This debate has raged on for years, decades, even centuries. This debate has infected schools, toppled mainstream media, and broken friendships. This debate isn’t that of abortion, or race, or gender, or politics. Indeed, this debate revolves around a much more critical inquiry, one that wields the power to shift global affairs: What Color Is Each Subject? Without further ado, allow me to disclose the doctrine of the colors. Here is your ultimate guide on what color best suits each subject. First up is perhaps the most dreaded subject of all time—math. Because of its horrific nature, math is definitely a red subject. Every problem hacks away at one’s being, with each successive number acting as a spear that punctures the skin, spilling blood and tears. As many students can attest, math can be a frenzy-inducing, chaoscreating matter. Red is the only color that perfectly encapsulates this craziness, providing a flawless depiction of the emotional rollercoaster that is mathematics. While some argue that math deserves a more tranquil color, like blue or purple, these hues would only discredit the true volume of terror that math inflicts upon its victims. And no, I absolutely do not hold a personal grudge against math … Following the STEM pattern, science, too, is a systematic subject, exempt from the subjectivity and lawlessness of English or history. However, science is a comparatively peaceful subject when weighed against math, earning science the quiet color of green. The most obvious reason why one might believe that science is green is the environmental aspect of the color. Green is the color of the leaves, trees, bushes, and wilderness, ecological pillars of this world that science aims to conserve. Moving beyond the apparent connotations of the color green, science is simply a restful subject. Whether it be biological systems or chemical processes, science maintains a serene air. Science lacks the destructive practices of math, establishing a seamless transition from red to green. Now, it is time to enter the humanities domain, which can be a disappointment for some and a breath of fresh air for others. The way I see it, humanities subjects vary dramatically from one another in their content, likeability, and, thus, color. The first liberal subject that I’d like to discuss is English, which is clearly blue. In revolt against the unclear, metaphorical language that English teachers champion, I want to relay a purely research-based justification for the blueness of English. According to an Associated Press article, in 2023, just 14% of young teens read books recreationally, a sharp decrease from 27% in 2012 (Lurye). This plummet in reading among America’s youth has affected test scores nationwide. As detailed by a New York Times piece, reading scores have dropped in 83% of school districts across the country, a symptom of a significantly larger problem within the American education system (Miller et al). Although this article isn’t an exposé
of American schooling, it is worth it to point out how drastic changes in the way we teach English classes have negatively impacted students. The shift of education’s focus from long-term comprehension of texts to short-term analysis has not only harmed reading scores, but it has also contributed to English’s dull, blue tone. Blue might be a reflection of the sleepiness class discussions about Shakespeares induces, or perhaps symbolizes the calm students feel when they read a literary classic like Pride and Prejudice or Frankenstein. Nevertheless, English definitely emits a blue aura. Next is history, a subject dedicated to the events of the past and their effects on the future. Regardless of whether or not one enjoys learning about everything from Mesopotamia to World War II, history is an undeniably enlightening topic. You can’t go to history class and walk out knowing less than you did before. For this reason, history is yellow, illuminating those who walk in its path. Some claim that history is, in fact, brown, but in my opinion, the lifeless, somewhat repulsive essence of the color brown misrepresents the curious spirit that history, as many students can vouch, encourages. Brown is the color of waste, dirt, grime, and sludge, whereas yellow is the color of sunlight, gold, honey, and happiness. Perhaps it’s from the association with geography, learning about land and how the people lived on it. A reference to yellowing scrolls and aging stories. In the end, history stands as a yellow subject. Lastly, we must examine what color language classes are. Irrespective of what language an individual takes (Spanish, French, Mandarin, etc.), the color of this subject remains wholeheartedly the same: purple. To make purple, equal parts red and blue paint are mixed, reflecting the dual nature of language courses. On one hand, learning another language can be a drag—the clock ticking too slow, the turn-and-talks being too exhaustive, and the long in-class writings consuming too much energy. On the other hand, language classes can be fun and social. Diverse accents roll off the tongue; conversation echoes in your ears. Language classes can serve as opportunities to make new friends, immerse yourself in another culture, and participate in schoolwide events, like the Taste of AB. Due to this diverse array of boredom and joy, language is certainly purple. When all is said and done, the assignments go as follows: math is red, science is green, English is blue, history is yellow, and language is purple. As emphasized at the beginning of this chronicle, the debate over the colors of each subject is one of great controversy, muddled by strong opinions and conflicting arguments. Out of all five, only science remains the subject everyone universally agrees on being green, with the other four being widely contested in and outside of classrooms. Nevertheless, each subject must fit into one color assignment and one color only, and with this article providing you reasons to agree, the great debate has finally come to a close.
